This past summer we went to Southeast Missouri to visit my grandparents. While we were there it was pretty evident that my grandfather was not doing as well as he had been doing. He would normally get on the floor with the kids(albeit sore the next morning) and play with them. This time there was none of that and while I can't even tell you what else was different, I could just tell.
Well, the past few weeks, my grandfather has been in an out of the hospital. They seemed to have stabilized him but he doesn't seem to be bouncing back like we had hoped. After a diagnosis of congestive heart failure and the evidence of prior and recurring strokes, it is hard to say what the timetable is. This I do know, our bodies are only temporary, and my grandfather knows he will be with Jesus and my mother in Heaven in a new body! Praise God!
I however, seem to be in a constant state of ponder, frustration and worry all in one. After my mom passed away, my grandparents made the decision to move back to Missouri. While they do have some family that is helping to care for them, I feel very discontented that I am not the one helping my grandma care for my grandpa. I know that the decisions that have been made were not ones I had any control over but this is not helping my present state of mind.
I feel on the very edge of loosing it. With everything else I am trying to balance, this feels a little like the straw that broke the camels back. I know that God will not give me more than I can handle. But for those of you who read this that pray, I could use some extra support in prayer right now. I am struggling.
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