Loss

We were blessed to find out we were expecting a baby. We were thrilled at the news and started making a plan of attack as to how to make room for the new baby given that we live in a smaller home.

We were getting bunkbeds ready and had talked the girls about getting a new baby brother or sister.

Unfortunately, this past week I started experiencing some complications and found out that the baby had not grown past 2 weeks gestation. We were devastated. The last couple of days have been an emotional rollercoaster. I have grieved the loss of my mom and I understood that kind of loss, but this is very different and I am not sure at this point if I can put it into words what I am feeling except I was in love with that little clump of cells that most likely never even developed a heartbeat. I was in love with the baby I imagined it to be. Though a clump of cells it was very much my baby and had life though for only a short amount of time.

How I imagine that baby now. She is with Jesus and my mom has that baby in her arms in her perfect little body.

Katelynn LeighAnn!

Katelynn is here! My 3rd and last niece. I feel a little sad about that but, I am so glad to have 3 healthy happy nieces and nephew. We were in Colorado Springs when she was born though we waited until the morning to see her. We spent the weekend in and out of the hospital and playing with my niece Elli and nephew Asher. We had so much fun.

My dad was able to be there and it was such a treat to spend some time with him and my kids. They adore him and could not get enough of him. There is nothing like hearing your children play with their Papa. Blaire was thrilled to pieces to see him and Presleigh warmed up to Papa right away.

It was such a wonderful time to share in the birth of one of my nieces, since the other two were born in Missoula, and I had to wait until I had a break to travel to see them. I feel so blessed and can't wait for my sister to come and join us when our baby 3rd baby is born!

Conferences!

Today, I sat on the other side of the table. I was the mom listening to the teacher tell me how they thought MY child was doing. While I knew generally that Blaire was doing just fine, I was a little nervous to hear someones evaluation of my child, my precious baby girl.

Please don't take me as a parent that feels that their child does no wrong. I know good and well that is not the case. But, I wasn't sure how I would feel if the teacher had an issue with her or had something to "discuss". Thankfully, today was not the day that happened. She had a great report. But, it helped me to understand a little how my parents feel when they come into my room.

What do I do?!

This past summer we went to Southeast Missouri to visit my grandparents. While we were there it was pretty evident that my grandfather was not doing as well as he had been doing. He would normally get on the floor with the kids(albeit sore the next morning) and play with them. This time there was none of that and while I can't even tell you what else was different, I could just tell.

Well, the past few weeks, my grandfather has been in an out of the hospital. They seemed to have stabilized him but he doesn't seem to be bouncing back like we had hoped. After a diagnosis of congestive heart failure and the evidence of prior and recurring strokes, it is hard to say what the timetable is. This I do know, our bodies are only temporary, and my grandfather knows he will be with Jesus and my mother in Heaven in a new body! Praise God!

I however, seem to be in a constant state of ponder, frustration and worry all in one. After my mom passed away, my grandparents made the decision to move back to Missouri. While they do have some family that is helping to care for them, I feel very discontented that I am not the one helping my grandma care for my grandpa. I know that the decisions that have been made were not ones I had any control over but this is not helping my present state of mind.

I feel on the very edge of loosing it. With everything else I am trying to balance, this feels a little like the straw that broke the camels back. I know that God will not give me more than I can handle. But for those of you who read this that pray, I could use some extra support in prayer right now. I am struggling.

My little pumpkins!

This past weekend we took a trip to the pumpkin patch. It was a long haul to get there but it is a great farm and great family place. Some friends of ours, the Linder-Maloney's went with us and Stuart's dad Kenny tagged along as well.

After we arrived and filled our tummies with yummy brats and cookies, we headed out to experience the patch. They have numerous activities for the kids and parents. Including a petting zoo, a place to make a life-sized scarecrow shop and a firetruck that fires pumpkins.

We spent the entire afternoon at the patch and the weather could not be more perfect. We all had a great time.

Family Pictures!

At the end of August we celebrated 4 years for Blaire and 18 months for Presleigh. We were also due for some family pictures and a friend helped us out! I think they turned out great!

Family pictures by John Clodfelter/ Kids pictures by Erin Wagner Photography

Hello Preschool!!!!

Today was the big day! Blaire started preschool! She was so excited and I was too...really! Last night, I picked out her outfit and was so glad the temperature and dropped enough for her to wear some of her new clothes. I got all of her forms taken care of and filled out(you would not believe how many forms I filled out!). And got her backpack ready to go!



Blaire woke up this morning and got ready. I could tell she was a little nervous but she did great. Blaire went to school with me, and while a co-worker watched my class I took Blaire to school. Stuart met us there and we took her in. After we took all of our pictures and found her locker we stepped into the classroom and then she was off....Yeah that was it, see ya mom, I'm here and I am ready!!!